Giving Month2023 Essay3

My own work, created by me and only me

Author： Sachiko

My first dream was to become a novelist.

I wanted to become something big.

Half of the feelings were genuine. Half of them were coming from loneliness.

I wanted someone who would listen to me. I wanted someone I could confide in.

I grew up, left my home, and met people with whom I could understand each other. I joined an independent film club. Planning a new film, connecting deeply with peers, and making the film happen. I truly loved these procedures.

I didn't get paid, but the process was still 'work' for me.

I was working part-time to make ends meet, and I learned the frustration of not even having train fare to visit my friends.

Oh well, here is my limit.

Then I changed my mindset to get a stable job becoming a company employee and looking for something that resonated with me as much as possible.

After experiencing several career paths, I realized that my true passion lies in the planning and creation of art projects. Along the way, I've also managed to make a living out of it.

However, the so-called typical 'office life' was challenging for me.

At the company where I worked before I got pregnant, the company kindly expressed concern, saying, 'Working eight hours might be challenging for Sachiko.' In a gesture of kindness, they created a special part-time working arrangement just for me and allowed me to work on a reduced schedule.

Given that situation, the idea of continuing to work after the birth of my child seemed entirely unrealistic to me.

After giving birth, I chose to become a full-time homemaker and focus on raising my child. Once my child-rearing responsibilities were complete, I would revisit some research interests I had longed to pursue in the past. With that in mind, I went back to school.

If someone had told my past self, 'A few years from now, you'll become a single mother, continue working, and pursue graduate studies,' I believe I would have been the last person to believe it—more than anyone else.

When I decided to get a divorce I trembled at the reality that I had to earn enough for both myself and my child.

With a demanding client who is a three-year-old child, it's challenging to pursue a job in a production-oriented field. Additionally, my research at the graduate school has become increasingly intriguing.

After careful consideration, I chose to take up an office job.

I decided to do the work I could do rather than the work I wanted to do.

The office job was a flawless and stable position, well-suited to my current role as a mother.

Except for the fact that it 'didn't suit me.

That environment was a privilege. It was the kind of workplace where I could receive a salary just by sitting during designated hours.

But there was no passion for me there.

There was neither an emotional connection with anyone nor excitement in building something together.

A few months after starting to work at the new workplace, my body began to scream.

At the start of single parenting, I simultaneously began full-time work and had to prepare for academic presentations.

I exceeded my limit.

At the psychiatric clinic where I hurriedly entered seeking help, the doctor handed me an emergency contact number and said, 'It's good that you came in today'.

One day, having managed to recover, I found the strength to get back on my feet. On the way home from visiting the Job Center, I made up my mind to rebuild my life once again.

No matter the divorce, I am thoroughly and unapologetically myself.

The job I loved... yes, it was about connecting with others, creating something together, and expressing passion through words. Is there a job where I can have a fulfilling life, even with fewer working hours, and not have to give up on my research?

Where in the world can I find such a job?

Thanks to a series of coincidences and connections, my current life revolves around two things I love: 'creative work' and 'research,' both falling under the umbrella of two 'writing jobs.'

What I let go of were a predictable future and the status of a full-time employee.

'Will I be truly okay in the future?'

As I continue to list my anxieties, there are moments when my hands, typing on the keyboard, come to a pause.

Yet, I love to write. Ultimately, it's the job I can immerse myself in the most. My body moves on its own accord.

In my current state, I have colleagues with whom I feel, 'I want to strive with these people.' That sentiment gives me the courage to sit in front of the computer again.

The power of 'passion' cancels out any fear. The moment when hearts connect with someone, I genuinely feel glad to be here.

And so, diligently reading literature, almost as if connecting hearts with friends I have never met, I continue my literary research.

Writing is, for me, the cultivation that links the current and the yet-to-be.

I continue to write.

Not for fame, but for the joy of connecting with someone.

My work is something I create. I will keep walking on a career that is uniquely mine, one of a kind in the world.

Call for Donations
Thank you for reading this essay to the end. This essay was written by Single Mother Sachiko for the Giving Campaign for Single Mothers 2023. The non-profit organization Single Mothers Sisterhood supports the self-care of single mothers' minds and bodies. Your generous donations will be carefully used to fund the operation of 'Self-Care Workshops for Single Mothers' and 'Expressive Recovery Programs'. The well-being of single mothers  is essential, not only for themselves but also for their children. Your support would mean a lot to us.

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