Giving Month2023 Essay1

Title： My Journey to 'It's Alright'

Author： Uzura no Tamago

It's Alright. It's Alright.

I would chant this phrase like a mantra every morning on the commuting train, taking a deep breath, just right for the narrow space in the crowded car.

It had been a year since I started working at this company.

It must have been a year already, but I couldn't feel confident about the way I handled my job. While my co-workers were working overtime, I felt a sense of inferiority leaving sharply when the work closing chime rang, and yet I was always nervous, feeling overwhelmed by the endless amount of analysis work and deadlines.

I chose my current workplace to manage daily tasks based on my ex-husband’s expectations. I prioritized the following conditions: Saturdays and Sundays off, no overtime, and being able to pick up my son by 6:15 p.m. I had put my career plan aside. I had made these decisions myself.

“Are you sure this is really what I wanted to do?”' At moments of doubt, I erased those uncertainties with a simple whisper “It's alright.”

One day, an announcement was made to all employees asking for ideas for a new project. If your idea is recognized and approved by senior management, you will take charge of the project you have proposed.

“This is what I want to try now!" I thought. However I had just separated from my ex-husband and started living with my young son, so I didn't have confidence that I would be able to complete my application proposal.

Still, I could not give up.

The version of myself who learned with excitement during my student days, the version of myself who was deeply dedicated to work at my previous workplace, and the mother in me, hoping for a fulfilling life for my son posed a question,

"Are you sure you won’t regret it?”

"No. I have to move forward with my own will."

With less than a month left until the deadline, I made up my mind, “Now is the time to focus on my career."

I worked until my regular 5:00 p.m. end time, then picked up my son, took care of household chores, had dinner, bathed him, and put him to bed. Afterward, I continued with my regular work until 10:00 p.m., staying within the standard working hours and not exceeding late-night overtime.

From 10:00 p.m.I tackled unfinished household tasks and started researching for the contest around midnight. I enthusiastically brainstormed business ideas. Even when only trivial ideas came to mind, I didn't let my hands and mind rest. I didn't want to stop; I was determined not to.

When I got stuck on my own, I reached out to my friends for guidance. I decided to confront my limitations, setting aside any pride I had.

At first, the ideas were laughed at, but little by little they were refined, and at some level, I started receiving comments like this.

"This... isn't it likely to pass?"

On the day of the business idea contest.

I memorized a 10-minute presentation. I practiced hundreds of times while dropping off and picking up my son from nursery school.

It's Alright.

I convinced myself with this mantra and kicked off my presentation.

******

Two years have passed, and I am now the leader of the project I proposed.

" It's Alright..” is no longer a phrase to comfort myself.

It's a mantra of conviction to carve out my career path.

The struggles persist even now. Amidst progressing with the project, challenges arise one after another, seemingly more than tenfold compared to the difficulties faced during the application process. At times, it feels like the flame of my inner candle might flicker out.

But in those moments, I look back. I reflect on the challenges faced, the efforts made, and the results achieved in the past. The practitioner of these experiences is undoubtedly me, myself.

So I'm sure It's Alright.

I remind myself of this phrase over and over again so that I do not forget.

Now, let's make the current actions something my future self can be proud of.

I will be alright.

Call for Donations
Thank you for reading this essay to the end. This essay was written by Single Mother Uzura-no-Tamago for the Giving Campaign for Single Mothers 2023. The non-profit organization Single Mothers Sisterhood supports the self-care of single mothers' minds and bodies. Your generous donations will be carefully used to fund the operation of 'Self-Care Workshops for Single Mothers' and 'Expressive Recovery Programs'. The well-being of single mothers  is essential, not only for themselves but also for their children. Your support would mean a lot to us.

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