Running opened my memory box
Author： Jinny
6 PM. As soon as the alarm goes off, I jump up from my desk, head to the door, and start my warm-up. With nothing but myself for company, I set off on my run.
It had been about a month since I'd started my daily 15-minute runs after work. My body is in a fairly good condition.
I'm not originally bad at running. In fact, I'm quite good at it.
For six years during middle and high school, I was on the track and field team. While I wasn't flexible, couldn't swim, and disliked equipment-based sports, I'd always been fast on my feet. Back then, running was about competition and breaking records.
After college, I started running again. It was around the time when "beautiful joggers" were becoming a trend. In those days, runners were not only conscious about health, but having a keen eye for fashion and stylish equipment became the new normal.
This as a background, I'd run around the Imperial Palace with colleagues after work and explore Odaiba or Shonan with running friends on weekends. We even went for training camps at Hakone and Lake Yamanaka.
Dressed in stylish running gear, we'd eager to reward ourselves with beer and hot springs after our runs. In those days, running was about fashion, socializing, and leisure.
However, after having a child, my running frequency gradually decreased. And three years ago, I stopped running altogether.
When I saw the announcement for the Sisterhood Running Club, I remembered how I had lost both the time and the motivation to run over the past three years. I shed tears by myself.
After my husband passed away, my sole focus was on providing a safe and stable life for my children. It was all that mattered.
But now, three years later, I noticed that I had regained my energy to the point where I felt motivated to hit the running trails again.
Tears welled up in my eyes once more.
I was a little nervous when I started running again. I couldn't run with the same lightness as before, but I was relieved that my body was still moving properly.
What does running mean to me now?
My daily life is filled with countless big and small tasks and troubles that one person alone can barely handle. When I run, I want to be free of everything, to simply be. No music, no watch, no thinking in my head.
The fading daylight helps to block out unnecessary visual distractions. Like a nocturnal animal or a machine in autopilot mode, I move my shoulders rhythmically.
I maintain a pace on the edge of discomfort and pleasure, a "pleasurable pain." No need to match anyone's pace, no need to worry about being overtaken or overtaking others. I don't care about my pace per kilometer or how many kilometers I've run this month.
“Refreshed.”
It's been a long time since I've felt this way. I can feel every cell in my body awakening and rejoicing.
Yes, I remember!
I used to love running! I even applied to be an Olympic torchbearer in Tokyo! I vividly recall passionately giving a speech about my love for running in PR videos and one-minute pitches.
Yes, I remember!
I loved participating in marathons. The tension and excitement before the start. The feeling of the local air with my whole being as I ran. The cheers from the crowd made me feel like an athlete. The strange sensation of pain and pleasure intertwined. The sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and liberation after crossing the finish line. It brings back memories of going to races all over the country in search of some extraordinary excitement.
Rounding the corner, I see my son's daycare. Alright, one last push! I accelerate. My heart rate spikes. I'm gasping for breath. Just a little more, 10, 9, 8, 7, I accelerate further. My body feels numb. My legs feel heavy. My face contorts. I'm at my limit. 3, 2, 1, 0, huff, huff, huff, huff.
My son spots me and dashes towards me. My 15-minute run is over in the blink of an eye.
Yet, a small but steady flame has ignited in my heart.
Yes, I will go on a race again someday!
Call for Donations
Thank you for reading this essay to the end. This essay was written by a single mother Jinny for Giving December 2024. The non-profit organization The nonprofit organization Single Mothers Sisterhood supports the mental and physical health and empowerment of single mothers. Your generous donations will be carefully used to fund the operation of 'Self-Care Workshops for Single Mothers'. Donations are accepted on our donation page here.
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